Happiness is a visible intention

/October 2021

If you are always dissatisfied with your partner and always feel that your marriage is not happy enough, think about it first: how long has it been since you have done a happy thing for your partner from the bottom of your heart? 

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How long has it been since you relaxed and watched a movie together? 

How long has it been since you held hands and hugged each other and said something sweet? 

In Zhihu, there was a woman who was very aggrieved after marriage and hesitated to divorce for a long time, but it was still difficult to make a decision. 

So she posted her experience and asked everyone if she should give up her marriage. 

Among the many answers, many people gave advice and showed love, and only one man's reply was original and won the highest praise. 

He talked about his experience of marriage from a simple little thing in life: 

When I washed my face in the bathroom at noon that day, I saw that my wife's bath ball was so rotten. In the afternoon, I went out to the supermarket and came back with a bath ball. 

It was a small thing, and I didn't tell my wife that I put the new one there and threw the old one away. 

When my wife came out after taking a bath in the evening, she said she felt very happy. 

I said, what's wrong? I didn't realize it until she talked about the bath ball. 

This matter moved her for several days. I said that I have given you so many things, which one is not hundreds and thousands of times more expensive than this bath ball. How can these few yuan things make you happy for several days? 

She said that you do not understand, you think I have to spend a lot of money to be happy, but in fact, I can also be happy with things of a few yuan. 

I just found that marriage is really in need of business, to make money, is only a passing basic line, but how can you make a person happy? 

It is much better to wash more dishes, cook more meals and tell children more stories than to make money.

At the bottom of the reply, many people echoed the comments: they were moved by spending a lot of money before marriage and by sesame trifles after marriage; these sesame trifles in marriage no longer represent vigorous love, but a visible heart. 

If you want to ask "what makes a marriage happy", I think this is the best answer. 

How many people strive for happiness, but go in the wrong direction. 

A few days ago, in my spare time, I saw an idol play on the air, in which the man lost his position as heir to the family, the woman lost her glamorous job, and both lost their original identities. 

So the man especially learned to ride a bike, took the woman on board, and went to bask in the sun like a 17-or 18-year-old first lover. 

The man looked at the people around him who were basking in the sun and could not help feeling: "No one around here is richer than my father, but each of them is happier than my father." 

The hostess also said, "Yes!" 

We often think that no matter what we do, we will be happy in the future, but we forget that happiness is everything in the present. " 

The common truth tells us a lot of real problems in marriage: some too many husbands come out early and come back late, make endless phone calls, work endless shifts, and get tired when they get home. In addition to indifference, they lose their temper at their wives and children. 

He felt that he worked so hard to make his family happier, but why his family didn't understand him. Having too many wives, finishing work and children, doing housework, sitting and resting for a few minutes became a luxury, exhausted and no one cared about. 

She doesn't understand why hard work can't get the happiness she wants. 

If you compare the husband who loses his temper every day with the husband who buys a bath ball, I think the husband who takes the initiative to buy a bath ball for his wife will be happier; if you compare the wife who is happy because of a small bath ball with the wife who can't finish the housework, I think the wife who is happy with the bath ball will be happier. 

The biggest difference between them is that unhappy people always try their best to be happy in the future, while happy people live a happy life in the present. 

In this world, every day, many people yearn for happiness, planning and working hard for happiness, but forget that happiness is not an exchange, nor in the distant future, but a readily available experience of the present. 

Marriage is not the end of love, but the beginning of another kind of love. 

American psychologist Harry once put forward the concept of an emotional bank. 

He said: in every couple's heart, there is an emotional account, and every time the other person does something that moves you, he is saving money in your emotional account. 

Our inner feelings about a relationship are based on how many emotional moments the other person has deposited in your emotional account. 

So, in a relationship, the more you do to move the other person, the more money you put into the other person's emotional account, the deeper the emotional connection, and the stronger the relationship. 

However, in daily life, many people have misunderstandings about marriage. 

Many men think that marriage is to make a living, and it is hypocritical to love when they get married. 

Even many women feel that as long as they enter marriage, they should bear the indifference and indifference for the sake of responsibility. 

In fact, in a marriage without emotional commitment, if both parties do not save money in each other's emotional account for a long time, and there is no emotional flow relationship, there is only a cold shell, which is most prone to problems. 

Marriage is to weaken the uncertainty of the relationship in a stable form so that two people can face the obstacles of reality together and enter a more profound and stable relationship. 

But if you reduce your emotional commitment because you are sure, it will be a far cry from the original intention of getting married. 

Therefore, marriage is not the end of love, but the new beginning of another kind of love. 

I love before marriage is vigorous, love after marriage is a long trickle. 

Because of love, because of emotion, because each other is nourished in the relationship, the marriage will continue to be happy. 

Li Weirong, an expert in psychology, once said: "in marriage, there are too many unenlightened men." 

If you can solve a problem with a bouquet or a word of concern, you must talk about the truth for a long time, which will make your lover unhappy, and you will not be able to live a peaceful life. " 

This sentence broke the knot of many marriages. 

Not only men but also women. 

Marriage is not an omnipotent safety line, let alone an excuse to avoid emotional investment. If you take everything in marriage for granted, you will ignore each other's feelings and destroy your happiness. 

What makes people happy is not the marriage itself, but the need to be seen.