My goddess

/October 2021

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Dear goddess, I have written a lot of things, long and short, affectionate or teasing, but never wrote to you, I am sorry. 

When I was a child, all the neighbor's children were strictly required to learn a talent, piano or painting, you also signed me up for a series of classes, or because I was born dull, lack of interest, all came to nothing. 

When the neighbor's little sister was chased by her mother for piano practice, because you were too gentle and did not force me to do anything, from the day I never learned the piano, the piano was idle at home for several years. 

Later, I thought, if you could be a little harder on me, even if I could not learn some skills to show off, I would not be such an easy person to back down in the face of difficulties. 

My habit of being half-hearted is also due to you. 

If you want to be a detective when you watch the famous Detective Conan, you can lock "Today's statement" at lunchtime every day; if you want to be a fashion designer, buy me a Barbie doll; if you want to be a director, allow me to watch movies day and night at home. 

When I wrote my first novel in the fourth grade, men and women fell in love with each other. Instead of asking me where I learned these bad things, you firmly blurted out the words that affected my life: "you are going to be a writer." 

Almost throughout middle school, my father worked abroad, and we always lived together, and you went through my difficult rebellious period alone. 

I hesitated to study drama until the second semester of my senior year. 

You, who usually buy clothes and return them several times, sign up for the school exams of various schools when I am still indecisive about what I want to do. 

Of course, there is something very painful in this process. I have also been devastated and depressed, but you said lightly, "passing the exam or not will not stop you from doing what you want to do." 

And then it became, you're not surprised, you're not surprised. 

I don't know where such a strange force comes from in your skinny body to maintain order at home. 

Ever since I was a child, you have never told me a lie. 

All the questions I asked calmly told me the answer, including the family scandal. 

As long as I ask, you will talk about it while cutting vegetables. 

I think that if it were not for your sincerity and calmness, it would not have resulted in my paranoia and excessive pursuit of true character. 

One more thing, do you remember? 

When I was in primary school, I once promised to buy myself the most beautiful cake if I got a full score. 

That time, I got a full score, and it was the only time in my student life that I got a full mark in math. 

But you didn't keep your promise because of the hospital. 

I am very depressed, no matter how much you make up for it, I am still angry. 

It may be that unpromising people have a premonition of gain and loss at their peak, knowing that they will never get a full score again. 

As an apology, you gave me three expired cake coupons, and you said you could give me three chances to help me unconditionally at any time. 

I saved it carefully and used it all up before I was 20 years old. 

Once, when I just transferred to Shanghai and got 20 points on the math test, the teacher asked me to be demoted. You rarely asked for leave, groveled, and interceded with the grade leader with a bunch of gifts. 

Once the puppy love in high school was discovered by the teacher. 

On another occasion, when your family was heavily in debt when you bought a house, you withdrew all your savings and took me across the ocean to see my father. There was not a single euro on you. 

When I was at a foreign airport, I was so anxious. 

You said, "there's nothing to be afraid of. We'll be rich again when we get paid next month." 

I think if Satchel is the Iron Lady, you must be the Diamond Lady, and you have a kind of arrogant self-confidence at the end of the road. Instead, you watched my father cry at the security entrance when you left. 

I urged you to go in, but you hesitated and burst into tears without holding back a word. 

This is the only time I've ever seen you cry. I was so nervous that I thought you laughed at all the things I grew up on, and tears were as important as the fall of the sky. I used the last cake coupon for this. 

It's really strange to say that a guy likes you, who loves beauty so much that he has 200 silk scarves, is beautiful and independent and even chased the bus for a stop the morning before I was born. Why did you choose my father, who was flirtatious and naughty before he was 40 years old, and would not grow up after he was 40 years old? 

After the age of 18, all three cake coupons fall into your hands. 

I said the same thing: "when I owe you, you can ask me to help you three times." 

You are the same as I was when I was a child, cherish it carefully, the difference is that you have never used it. 

I made a lot of money for the first time. I invited all my friends and delicacies. After the wine pool and meat forest, I realized that you were 50 years old in the dead of night. 

Oh, my God, as far as I can remember, you were the one who took me on a magnolia bike yesterday to break my hair. Rouge powder never damaged your emptiness, like a little dragon girl shuttling through the city. 

I picked up my coat and hurried home to you and said, "Hey, Mom, I'm making money. You can take the cake coupon and exchange it for something." 

You nodded and said, "sure." 

He took a coupon out of the drawer and gave it to me and said, "go to the supermarket and buy a bag of sugar, a bottle of soy sauce, and three tomatoes." 

I repeatedly confirmed: "is this just a waste of one?" 

You said, "well, next time you can use this one to ask me for help." 

Every time I think about it, I cry under the quilt, especially when I grow up, countless nights when I feel useless. 

Like today. 

To record the show, I want to write about my goddess, and the features I write are all about you. I want to be the one you can rely on, but I still go back to your magnolia car after screwing things up again and again. I use my small body to fit seamlessly with your back, and then surround you tightly with my arms. Just keep driving like this, you won't get old, and I won't grow up. 

I wish time could open a back door for me so that we could be together forever. 

Dear goddess, although I have blamed you silently countless times in my heart, a strong little white rabbit provides for a fragile wolf. As a wild animal, I have given myself many reasons to back down in the forest because of you. 

But when it comes to the goddess, apart from you, I can never think of a second candidate. 

After all, I have worshipped and envied people who are so powerful that they shine, but it is God who can protect me as much as he can.