The key of marriage

/September 2021

If we say that marriage has a genre division, it will certainly not be poetry, nor will it be a novel, it may be more insipid prose, full of a warm, or romantic, or mournful, or tortuous style, in short, moving forward in mediocrity. 

If you control it well, there will be wisps of fragrance in the insipid, and it will also exude a trace of fragrance. 

Chinese-style marriage is described by some statistical agencies as the "28" law, saying that 80% of marriages belong to the make-up type and belong to the category of family affection, and only 20% of marriages have an element of love. 

I do not have such accurate figures in hand, it is difficult to judge the authenticity of the law, but from the observation around me, the divorce rate is rising. 

Why is the stability of marriage in modern society in crisis? 

It is estimated that it is inseparable from the accelerated pace of the current society, the sudden rise of pressure, and the change of social roles. 

I have a neighbor who works in the banking system and used to be the head of the credit sector. the couple has only one daughter and lives a comfortable life. The neighbor is recognized as a good man at home, except for a few drinks, of course. 

He washes clothes, cooks, and mops the floor, and basically does all the housework at home. He cooks well and quickly, and the salt taste is very good. When the children are in junior high school, the couple breaks up. Of course, the leader's marriage can only be broken. I heard that they also had a lot of trouble, and they still seem to make do with each other. 

My neighbor is not so smooth, before and after to find at least three women to live, he remains the same, continue to be his good man, housework is still all, basically not long, three or two years, and then a single person, and then repeat this story, the interpretation of his marriage. 

I have a cousin, a company-level cadre in the army who was transferred to the local level was also assigned to the banking system, and after less than three years of working in the local area, he was forced to "cut off" his job and find his own job. 

When the platoon leader married a local girl and gave birth to a son, his wife was basically all right besides playing cards and showing off. There was a bold and unrestrained girl in the northeast, who would smoke a cigarette from time to time, and all the housework in the family was also done by my cousin. 

Even so, family stumbles occur from time to time. 

The wife regarded his cousin's tolerance as weak and deceivable and regarded his cousin's layoff as counseling, and naturally, there was a little more stimulation and hurt between words. Over time, the contradiction escalated, coupled with some inappropriate things in his wife, which thoroughly infuriated his cousin and divorced hastily. 

My cousin's second marriage came after a short time in Beijing to work back in Zhengzhou, the provincial capital of his hometown. My cousin runs an Internet cafe, and his business can barely make ends meet, so he can chat online. 

At first, the cousin's kindness and ability won the favor of the partners, and the whole family, including the partner's daughter and son-in-law, also liked the "uncle". The family was happy and happy. 

Cousin, the housework at home is still the sound of the waves, according to the order to accept all. 

He thought it was worth it and took it for granted that it was a responsibility for men to do more work, lighten the burden of the family and let the family enjoy a kind of warmth, and my cousin enjoyed it very much. 

I never thought that what he paid for was a kind of betrayal. 

To be exact, the partner is a traveling doctor. Today in Xinjiang, tomorrow it may be Fujian or Hainan. He is a so-called doctor who specializes in the gynecological business. His cousin often patronizes the city where the partner works for no more than three or five months. Actually, he doesn't agree with the partner's mode of making money, but the cousin who loves his family and his family will turn a blind eye, as long as there is "love" between two people. 

Once, when the partner came home from the swimming city to recuperate, his cousin occasionally found that she was different when answering the phone, but the unresponsive cousin still felt a possibility. After about half a year of investigation and confirmation, he found that the partner had never been missing in the working career of the traveling doctor. 

The cousin flew into a rage and angrily asked her to explain that the partner did not change his face and his heart did not jump, and the pig was not afraid of boiling water to deal with his cousin's question, but in fact, he refused to admit it. 

When her cousin hung some reliable evidence in front of her partners, she still looked like a shrew, and in a fit of anger, she left home and the place where they had been partners for nine years. 

The cousin, who learned from the bitter experience, moved out of the "home" where he had paid and served for nine years, and left the provincial capital, where his second marriage failed. 

I have a very reliable colleague who works conscientiously, is responsible for his family, loves his children, does not have any bad habits, should go to work, should go home immediately, and his wife's farm work will try his best to do a good job during the work gap. He is a typical good employee, a good man, and a good husband. 

My wife used to go to work, but later, to have a third child, there was a master who inherited the family line, so she quit her job and went home to concentrate on taking care of the children. 

Colleagues work harder for fear of any mistakes. I'm sorry about this income. 

It never occurred to me that when the little boy was three years old, his wife, who had always been virtuous, had an accident in playing cards with the neighbors of the village. 

Like his cousin, the wife of a colleague firmly refuses to admit that even if the "chain of evidence" is closely linked, she is still argumentative and undiminished, and instead exposes a vicious image of human instinct. 

This tug-of-war basically became a protracted war. One day after a year, the wife finally ran away and blocked the Wechat and phone calls of colleagues. All relatives did not answer the phone and Wechat did not return and disappeared without a trace. 

The mood of my colleagues is very haggard, unable to face this broken family, unable to face the surprised eyes of parents and children, let alone what happened in their own family business. 

How did he become what he is today after doing his best for his family? 

There is no doubt that the protagonists of the stories of these three families are good husbands in life and the backbone of the family, but the situation of the wife also exposes the importance of spiritual care in family management to varying degrees. 

Devoted to the wealth, satisfaction, and creation of material life, it precisely ignores the needs and care of spiritual life, and lacks the interest and fun between husband and wife. This may be the part that "honest people", "real people" and "good people" happen to be missing. This part is caused by those who are gluttonous and lazy, idle and talkative.

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