To love is to let each other be who you are
There is a couple who have been married for 5 years and have quarreled a lot recently.
The woman was originally a lively and cheerful girl, with no intention, but lived frankly and happily.
But now she doesn't know what else she has.
She lives in the other party's criticisms and accusations and does nothing wrong.
"but he said he loved me, and it was because he loved me that he was afraid that I would be bullied and wanted me to be better."
Does this argument look familiar?
If I love you, I will abuse you; if I love you, I will criticize you; the more I hurt you, the more I love you.
Finally, be sure to throw a blockbuster "for your good".
"I love you, and I want to transform you."
People who think so just love themselves.
However, if you love yourself, you should not torture the person who has entered into an engagement with you but should find a way to live a good life and make each other happy. This is to love yourself.
The words "do not understand love" are more suitable for these crackdowns and reformers.
A person who likes to hit his partner may have two shady secrets in his heart: one is to test his partner's loyalty with constant criticism and criticism, and the other is that he can get a sense of security only if he knocks him into the ground, because the less good he is, the less he cannot betray and escape.
A morbid relationship can also last, especially if one partner succeeds in turning the other into a patient.
But this persistence comes at the expense of the quality of the relationship.
Love consists of two parts.
First, the biological point of view of attraction, love at first sight good-bye is in this category.
This part of love can make a good relationship for a short time.
Second, learn to continue to love yourself from a psychological point of view.
The focus of this part of love is to grow up in love, and the more you love, the more self-discipline.
In the second stage, people must overcome excessive possessiveness and transformation, and understand that the ideal relationship between people is intimacy, and the best way to get along with each other is to respect each other's advantages.
Recently, the moments have been scanned by "Mr. left and Mr. right".
Mr. Zuo is "warm and relaxing", while Mr. right is clumsy and pragmatic.
Fall in love with Mr. Zuo and marry Mr. Right is the winner in life.
The ideal is very full, but reality will tell us that no matter who we choose, we will marry a "Mr. left and right" in the end, sometimes warm, sometimes clumsy, sometimes "empty", sometimes pragmatic.
Life is too long, too many trifles, time is mobile, people are also mobile.
People's advantages and disadvantages will be transformed into each other, emotional ups and downs and fluctuations are even more common.
Healthy relationships, which eventually become unhealthy, begin with never tolerating each other's ups and downs and disrespecting each other's strengths.
When you do not live the ideal life, or do not live to be the ideal yourself, you do not choose self-discipline and growth but transfer the disappointment in life to the person you love.
At this time, love goes bad.
You no longer love each other, but because you have loved and have a deep connection, and he happens to be convenient to be used as a shield for your failed life.
The easiest and most effective way to judge whether a person is suitable for a long-term relationship, or whether you have learned to love someone for a long time, is to see if you are living yourself in this relationship.
Love must make you more confident and happy than before, you get a lot of affirmation and praise from each other, at the same time, you also give to each other.
What is the self-love of each other?
You might as well take a look at the letter Wang Xiaobo wrote to Li Yinhe.
"I would never want to take other people's souls like my own.
I just hope that our souls can communicate with each other, like a community twice as big. "
"with these beliefs, I hope you are free, and I hope your soul will soar."
"I just hope you and I are good, without suspicion or praise. On weekdays, you talk to me as if you were talking to yourself, and I talk to you as if I were talking to myself."
Love is a pitching game, not a tie-up.
If you want your partner to grow up with you, you have to give enough encouragement, waiting, and patience.
It is not that he becomes the person you expect, that you love him, but that he can become the person you expect him to be.
Healthy love is to manage the morbid little monster in your heart, break the habit of picking on and hurting each other, respect the advantages of others, and let each other live out of themselves and gain real freedom.
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